to let go

Is it normal to feel guilty for spending money? Even though the money itself comes from your hard work?

I've been spending years working and often times, the money will end up for food, electricity, and other daily needs. Sure, I go shopping sometimes, but usually only when I really need new things. It's happened for years, and it becomes natural to let my money go or is  used for things not my own.

A few days ago, I got quite a lot of money. A money that I can use freely. Not for the food, not for the electricity. Mine.

So I ended up buying a few clothes and accessories.

And immediately after that, I felt sick.

What have you done? You shouldn't spent this much only for clothes!

You're spending too much.

This can give you a month's worth of living cost.

This can be used for paying electricity bill.

.
.
.

You don't have the right to use this money for your own pleasure.

.
.
.

I am too used being 'the provider' to the point I feel strange to 'provide' myself. Too used to always share everything.

I kept telling myself 'It's okay. You deserved it. After all the things you've done.'

But hell, the guilt keeps haunting me for days after that.

.
.
.

I read a quote that says 'You need to know how to let go.'

I kept thinking that only applies for the broken-hearted.

Let the feelings go; let your lover go.

Let the guilt go.

For your own sanity.

For your own happiness.

Now I think it also applies to me, too.

For my own happiness.

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Depok, March 2018

Skirts

I view fashion as a way to express myself. What I wear is the representation of the feelings and emotion I have in my mind, at the moment.

If you see me wearing T-shirt and shorts, or T-shirts and jeans, it means I'm feeling relaxed. No worries whatsoever.

If you see me wearing dress or skirts, it means I'm feeling fancy, or I just don't feel comfortable wearing trousers for the day.

The clothes I wear represent myself; my identity.

But when the one thing you use to identify yourself with is seen as something inappropriate by others, what would you do?

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"The skirt you wear is too short. You should wear longer skirts or wear it with thighs."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll never wear it again, then."

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"Your skirt is too short."

"But it matches the requirements. Below the knee, right?"

"But the back of your knees are shown when you bend over. And now you're one of us, your way of dressing is.. deemed inappropriate."

"... okay.."

-----

How far is far enough, and how close is close enough?

If my skirt is short, will it be also short for you?

If my skirt is long, will it be also long for you?

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(And if I show you some of my skin, will you jump on me, too?

And if I bend over in front of you, will you deem it inappropriate, too?)

-----

(Poor skirt. It knows nothing yet becomeS something.)

I Will Graduate (Hopefully) Soon!

Hello~~~

It's been a long time since the last time I've updated my blog *get bricked*. Life's been pretty hectic these past few months, that's why I didn't have much time to post anything here (it's so cliche I know OTL).

Anyway, I just want to say that one of many reasons I didn't post anything is because I'm busy writing my graduate thesis. Not to mention some papers for my final exam. So, yeah, I've been drowning myself with books these past few weeks. 

I love you...not really :p

 Oh God, why did I choose semantic as the theme for my thesis? *burn all the books*

If there are no obstacles then (hopefully) I will graduate next month. The graduation ceremony will be held on August. Until then, I'm still struggling to finish my thesis OTL

Oh, next month on the 7th I'm going to take Japanese Proficiency Test Level 1, and I haven't study up until NOW OTL

Oh well, if I fail, I could still try on December lol

This will be it for now. I'll try to post other things as often as I can (maybe a beauty product review, or anything... lol). Thank you for reading and bye! :)

SIKAP!

Karena (menurut saya) lebih baik menjadi orang yang dibenci karena mengatakan hal yang sebenarnya, daripada diam dan membiarkan hal yang tidak baik terus terjadi. Itu SIKAP saya. Kalau kalian? :)

(Trying to) Decorating My Bedroom Wall

My bedroom wall is extremely plain. It is painted with boring white. Actually it was painted dark blue on one side, but then my mom painted it white because my second sister got married and she would use the room.

But after about 1,5 year, she moved out of the house, and I got the room back! :)
To be honest I want to paint the wall with turquoise color, but I'm just too lazy to do that. So I ended up sticking some photos my friends and I took when we went for a trip to Japan last September.

And a poster.

This is the first time in my entire life that I put a poster of someone on my room.

So, my friends, meet Perfume.

Perfume!!!!

They are a techno-electronic trio from Japan. Although their singing is mostly autotune, but still I love their music. It's hard to find good artists with this kind of genre. You should check them out!

l got this poster when I bought their latest single in Japan. Actually I wanted to buy the standard version (w/o the poster and DVD) but I was too lazy to ask the staffs so I just grabbed the one in front of my eyes and voila, I ended up buying the CD+DVD with a free poster. It costed me ￥1,780 (roughly IDR 185,000). Looking back at it now, I kinda regret it lol. Oh, well, what's done is done.

Anyway, my bedroom wall still has some spaces left to be decorated. I think I will find other ideas to decorate it *searching ideas on youtube*

So that's it for now. Until next time!

Some photos from my trip to Japan :)