to let go

Is it normal to feel guilty for spending money? Even though the money itself comes from your hard work?

I've been spending years working and often times, the money will end up for food, electricity, and other daily needs. Sure, I go shopping sometimes, but usually only when I really need new things. It's happened for years, and it becomes natural to let my money go or is  used for things not my own.

A few days ago, I got quite a lot of money. A money that I can use freely. Not for the food, not for the electricity. Mine.

So I ended up buying a few clothes and accessories.

And immediately after that, I felt sick.

What have you done? You shouldn't spent this much only for clothes!

You're spending too much.

This can give you a month's worth of living cost.

This can be used for paying electricity bill.

.
.
.

You don't have the right to use this money for your own pleasure.

.
.
.

I am too used being 'the provider' to the point I feel strange to 'provide' myself. Too used to always share everything.

I kept telling myself 'It's okay. You deserved it. After all the things you've done.'

But hell, the guilt keeps haunting me for days after that.

.
.
.

I read a quote that says 'You need to know how to let go.'

I kept thinking that only applies for the broken-hearted.

Let the feelings go; let your lover go.

Let the guilt go.

For your own sanity.

For your own happiness.

Now I think it also applies to me, too.

For my own happiness.

-----

Depok, March 2018

I Will Graduate (Hopefully) Soon!

Hello~~~

It's been a long time since the last time I've updated my blog *get bricked*. Life's been pretty hectic these past few months, that's why I didn't have much time to post anything here (it's so cliche I know OTL).

Anyway, I just want to say that one of many reasons I didn't post anything is because I'm busy writing my graduate thesis. Not to mention some papers for my final exam. So, yeah, I've been drowning myself with books these past few weeks. 

I love you...not really :p

 Oh God, why did I choose semantic as the theme for my thesis? *burn all the books*

If there are no obstacles then (hopefully) I will graduate next month. The graduation ceremony will be held on August. Until then, I'm still struggling to finish my thesis OTL

Oh, next month on the 7th I'm going to take Japanese Proficiency Test Level 1, and I haven't study up until NOW OTL

Oh well, if I fail, I could still try on December lol

This will be it for now. I'll try to post other things as often as I can (maybe a beauty product review, or anything... lol). Thank you for reading and bye! :)

I hate ---

I hate whiny people.

Could you please please pleaseeeee stop whining? There are other people in this world who couldn't get what you have right now. They will give everything they have to be in your shoes. Eventhough it seems trivial to you, it could have the same value as diamond in their eyes. What might be a garbage to you, might be a treasure to them.

I hate liars.

Although it might be harsh to say the right thing, it is still better than saying lies. It might seem simple,  but once you lie, you can't stop. Another lie is needed to cover up another lies. It's a never ending cycle.

I hate snobs.

No matter from what background you come from, you are not any better than other humans. All humans are the same.

I hate people who is afraid of making mistakes.

You learn by making mistakes. Perfection is a good thing, but not the best thing. Don't be afraid. Flaws are the one that makes us humans.

---

I might or might not have one of those attitudes. Meh.

Supir Taksi dan Intuisi

Minggu-minggu terakhir ini sudah dua kali menggunakan jasa taksi dari Kemang nyampe rumah. Dan supir yang kemaren rada... creepy?

Reka ulang kejadian kemarin malam, habis housewarming party di apato Dochan (yeiy, akhirnya dapet apato juga!):

Dari April ke Mei

Bulan April.. cukup banyak kejadian yang terjadi di bulan ini, di antara lain:

* Presentasi BIA yang bikin dag dig dug serr
* Makalah Puisi Jepang yang dikerjain asal-asalan, comot sana-sini dari senpai (ternyata tugas turunan hahaha)
* Kepanitiaan pertama dalam sejarah perkuliahan saya, acaranya sampe sekarang ga jelas juntrungannya
* Temen kena masalah sama orang labil (yang bikin gue kesel)
* Dochan dateng dari Jepang! Yeeeiii! :D

Dan sekarang udah masuk bulan Mei. Oh, iya, berhubung hari ini tanggal 2 Mei, sekalian ngucapin

SELAMAT HARI PENDIDIKAN NASIONAL

Semoga pendidikan di Indonesia semakin baik, makin murah (syukur kalo bisa gratis), menjangkau seluruh lapisan masyarakat, dan bisa menyejahterakan penduduknya.

Ya, semoga saya bisa semakin sering nulis di blog ini, walaupun isinya ga penting (kayak yang ini). Semoga tugas-tugas bisa terselesaikan dengan baik. UAS juga makin bagus nilainya. Amin.

Cukup segini dulu meracaunya. Mari kita belajar! #pencitraan