to let go

Is it normal to feel guilty for spending money? Even though the money itself comes from your hard work?

I've been spending years working and often times, the money will end up for food, electricity, and other daily needs. Sure, I go shopping sometimes, but usually only when I really need new things. It's happened for years, and it becomes natural to let my money go or is  used for things not my own.

A few days ago, I got quite a lot of money. A money that I can use freely. Not for the food, not for the electricity. Mine.

So I ended up buying a few clothes and accessories.

And immediately after that, I felt sick.

What have you done? You shouldn't spent this much only for clothes!

You're spending too much.

This can give you a month's worth of living cost.

This can be used for paying electricity bill.

.
.
.

You don't have the right to use this money for your own pleasure.

.
.
.

I am too used being 'the provider' to the point I feel strange to 'provide' myself. Too used to always share everything.

I kept telling myself 'It's okay. You deserved it. After all the things you've done.'

But hell, the guilt keeps haunting me for days after that.

.
.
.

I read a quote that says 'You need to know how to let go.'

I kept thinking that only applies for the broken-hearted.

Let the feelings go; let your lover go.

Let the guilt go.

For your own sanity.

For your own happiness.

Now I think it also applies to me, too.

For my own happiness.

-----

Depok, March 2018

Skirts

I view fashion as a way to express myself. What I wear is the representation of the feelings and emotion I have in my mind, at the moment.

If you see me wearing T-shirt and shorts, or T-shirts and jeans, it means I'm feeling relaxed. No worries whatsoever.

If you see me wearing dress or skirts, it means I'm feeling fancy, or I just don't feel comfortable wearing trousers for the day.

The clothes I wear represent myself; my identity.

But when the one thing you use to identify yourself with is seen as something inappropriate by others, what would you do?

-----

"The skirt you wear is too short. You should wear longer skirts or wear it with thighs."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll never wear it again, then."

-----

"Your skirt is too short."

"But it matches the requirements. Below the knee, right?"

"But the back of your knees are shown when you bend over. And now you're one of us, your way of dressing is.. deemed inappropriate."

"... okay.."

-----

How far is far enough, and how close is close enough?

If my skirt is short, will it be also short for you?

If my skirt is long, will it be also long for you?

-----

(And if I show you some of my skin, will you jump on me, too?

And if I bend over in front of you, will you deem it inappropriate, too?)

-----

(Poor skirt. It knows nothing yet becomeS something.)

To stop or not to stop? :)

Jadi, setelah berpikir panjang lebar, pada akhir November 2013 kemarin saya dengan seenak jidatnya melenggang kangkung meninggalkan perusahaan tempat saya bekerja selama 2 bulan.

Sebenernya, sih, setelah kira-kira kerja di tempat itu selama sebulan, saya udah ngerasa ga sreg dan langsung mau siap-siap resign. Hal ini pun saya utarakan ke temen-temen sekantor saya. Mereka pada awalnya, sih, menyarankan agar saya tetap di situ. Memang, sih, kalo dipikir-pikir sayang banget kalau saya keluar dari situ. Tempat saya bekerja itu adalah sebuah bank swasta Jepang di bilangan Sudirman. Gaji pokok saya sih ga besar, tapi..... overtime allowance saya itu, lho... bisa lebih besar dari gaji pokok saya. Salam sebulan saya bisa dapat 2-2,5x gaji. Lumayan banget untuk saya yang fresh graduate dan sama sekali buta tentang perbankan. Ditambah lagi jaminan kesehatannya juga oke, belom lagi fasilitas kantor yang kalo dibandingin sama kantor lain, ya enak banget (dining room beserta kulkas dan microwave yang bebas dipake siapa aja, mobil kantor yang setia mengantar sampe depan rumah kalo lembur, dll). Saya pun sempet goyah sama hal-hal di atas. Ditambah lagi, kalo saya keluar kesannya saya ga tahu diri banget, karena banyak temen-temen seangkatan saya yang sampai saat saya mengetik entry ini pun, belum berhasil mendapatkan pekerjaan.

Schwarzkopf Fresh Light Foam Color in Ash

Hello!!!

I'm back again after months of not posting anything. Real life been hectic these past few months. Quick recap for those of you who might be interested: I graduate, I got a job at a Japanese bank (just like I want), but after two months I quit LOL. So many things happened and after a long, deep thought, turned out that it wasn't what I like, or wanted to do. So yeah, I dumped my first job while some of my friends out there still jobless. What an ungrateful child I am, huh?

Anyway, let's save the ramblings and the story for later (or maybe another post?). Now I want to share about another hair dyeing product. This time it's Schwarzkopf Fresh Light Foam Color  in Ash.

Oh, before that, I just want to say sorry for the crappy quality of the photos provided. So here it is:

Schwarzkopf Fresh Light Foam Color in Ash

I've been wanting to try this product and when there's a chance, I immediately bought it! Oh, remember the crap I told you on previous post about wanting to dye my hair in neutral color because I want to work in a Japanese company? Well, when I got my first job in that particular place, turned out you were allowed to color your hair so after two weeks of working, I dyed my hair immediately.

So yeah, I bought it and now let's move to the unboxing part!

Items inside the box:

From left to right: Instruction sheets, After color conditioner, Hair color, Cream developer + bottle, Nozzle/pump, Gloves

Just like any other hair dyeing products, you have to mix the hair color and the cream developer until it's finely incorporated and then you can apply it to your hair.

Oh, and here's what interesting from this product: the box acts as a standing tool to stable the bottle, and also to keep your table/any surface clean from the product!

So there's a circle-shaped line that you can cut in the side of the box. You cut/tear off according to that line, and then you can put your bottle inside the box/slash/standee.

To make it short and simple, here's the step-by-step to mix the product:

Cut the line in the side of the box so it become like this..

...and you put the bottle there...

...and pour the hair color in to the bottle...

... mix it well...

...shake it in a left-right motion for about a minute (or in my case, until I feel it's enough)...

...put it again in the box/slash/standee...

... and there, you have it! Pump it and apply it to your hair!

The consistency of the mix is pretty consistent. I mean, although I spent about 40 minutes to apply it on to my hair, the mix is still in a foamy-texture and didn't become runny. Maybe because it's using pump, so the consistency is consistent (just ignore it, it's my theory after all).

And because it's in a pump bottle, it's easier to get the mixture out of the bottle. You don't have to scoop it or reaching to the bottom of the bottle to get it.

Another thing to note is although the contents are quite small, the product itself could cover long hair decently. My hair when I used this product was short, like just below my ear, and you can imagine me crying in front of the sink when I had to put out the rest of the products. It was such a waste, really. So for all of you who have short hair but want to try this product, make sure you have a friend to share it with, or prepare your heart to toss away the rest of the product, just like me.

After you finished applying it to your hair, just leave it for 30-40 minutes. After that just rinse your hair with warm water until all the product is cleansed from your hair, and then put the after color conditioner. Oh, the after color conditioner that came from Schwarzkopf was not a leave-on conditioner, so make sure to rinse your hair after you put the conditioner.

Now is the time to reveal the result, right? Unfortunately, just like previous post, I happen to not have the photos LOL. So, yeah, wait a little bit, okay? :)

Until next time!

I Will Graduate (Hopefully) Soon!

Hello~~~

It's been a long time since the last time I've updated my blog *get bricked*. Life's been pretty hectic these past few months, that's why I didn't have much time to post anything here (it's so cliche I know OTL).

Anyway, I just want to say that one of many reasons I didn't post anything is because I'm busy writing my graduate thesis. Not to mention some papers for my final exam. So, yeah, I've been drowning myself with books these past few weeks. 

I love you...not really :p

 Oh God, why did I choose semantic as the theme for my thesis? *burn all the books*

If there are no obstacles then (hopefully) I will graduate next month. The graduation ceremony will be held on August. Until then, I'm still struggling to finish my thesis OTL

Oh, next month on the 7th I'm going to take Japanese Proficiency Test Level 1, and I haven't study up until NOW OTL

Oh well, if I fail, I could still try on December lol

This will be it for now. I'll try to post other things as often as I can (maybe a beauty product review, or anything... lol). Thank you for reading and bye! :)

My Hair Coloring Experience and Beautylabo Whip Hair Color in Bitter Chocolate Review - UPDATED

ATTENTION: This post will be a long post and full of my rants, so for those of you who don't like to read long-meaningless post, please proceed to another tab/page on your browser. Thank you :3

みんなお久しぶりです～

So recently I just dyed my hair (again) with a deep brown color.

FYI, I really really love doing experiment with my hair color. Actually I've been interested with hair dyeing-thingy since middle school, but it's impossible for me to dye my hair because of the school's regulations, so all I could do just staring longingly at hair color rack whenever I went to a supermarket lol

The first time I dyed my hair was on my second year at university. I dyed my hair with a deep brown color. I was pretty disappointed with the result, because somehow the color didn't come out, like, AT ALL. My friend suggested that I should have bleached my hair first because my original hair color was jet black. I knew that if I had bleached my hair, the color would come out just like it should be, but I didn't want to risk my hair (which is pretty thin on the roots) to become worse than it already was, so I decided not to bleach my hair. Besides I heard and read many stories about bleaching your hair, and somehow I got an image that bleaching your hair is not a comfortable experience; for your hair and for yourself. Damaging my hair with hair color is enough for me, so no need to make it worse with the bleaching.

面接

みんな、お久しぶりです！

長い間に何も書かなくてすみません。

今回のポストには面接を話したいと思います。

先週の８日には日本の一番通信会社から面接をもらいました。実はCVを送ったとき返事をもらうのはぜんぜん思わなかった。っで、送ってからメールを一度もチェックしなかった。「いや、面接状はぜったい来ないわ。」と思って、気楽に日々を過ごしてた。

でも、４日の昼間に、おかしい番号から電話がきた。

「もしかして、その会社から。。？」と思いながら電話をかけました。

「Halo...?」

「。。Hello?日本語大丈夫ですか？」って向かうから返事した。

ビックリした！

まさか思ったとおりその会社からの電話？！ウソ！！！

思ったとおりそれはその会社からの面接状だった。

それで８日にSkypeで面接が行われた。めっちゃ緊張して何も言えない部分があったよｗ

この面接に合格か合格できないかまだわかんないけど、私がもう一所懸命頑張りました！

面接のあと、「就活はこんな感じかーー！」っておもって、日本の４年生の気持ちがわかってきたｗ

インドネシアの面接について色んなこと聞いたけど、やっぱり日本の面接とちょっと違いますね。でも、どっちでもこわいとおもうよｗ

初めて面接されて、しかも日本語で、本当にいい経験になったよ。じゃ、次の面接までお楽しみ～